Friday morning

So it's Friday morning, really early in the morning, and I have still not done anything completely. :(. I have painted my room but there is still a little patch that is not complete. Is it that I have a problem finishing things? Is it that I just cant commit to any ting anymore? And if that is the issue, then why? Why cant I finish a simple thing like painting my room! I really need to take some time and contemplate on my life and what I'm doing with it. I need to look down the path I'm taking and see if its the one I want to complete. Is this path going to make me happy? Is it what I want in my life? Maybe I am soon to come into a fork in the road of my life, which way will I take? Maybe I just need to stop being that person who asks these "what if" and "why" questions and be that person who just goes out there and does it. I was watching T.V. this morning and fell upon an old episode of "Will and Grace'. In the show will and grace were talking on how they are always talking about doing stuff yet always find that they never do any OT those things. They just allow life as they imagine it to pass through like the wind. I DO NT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME! I want to kayak in the Estero River, and go snorkeling in the Key West reefs. I want to swim with a shark and be able to wear a bikini with no shame. I want and need these things in my life. For I fear that if I do not accomplish any of these things I will just die. I am not saying this in an exaggerated way either. I mean that I feel on a day to day basis that my life is being drained from me and that If I do not replace my old life with something new then I will just be a hallow and empty shell. Blank stare and no thoughts. Thats almost like the begining of a serial killer, like a female version of Mike Myers. I dont want to become, lifeless. I dont want to die within. I need and must complete something in my life and bring back the lost and hidden joy and happiness. I must!

I fail at my own assignments.

So since the last blog I wrote, I am yet to accomplish something. So to place myself on a better and more set track I will place actual goals and set my self to set them within a period of time. I will in some ways write my very own "Bucket List" and in some ways just make personal goals to begin and live by. Almost like making a New Years Resolution, But on a longer scale then just a year. Now the real question I need to ask myself, and one that everyone should ask themselves, is " Who and What do I want to be?"
-I want to be known and remembered
-I want to make a difference in someones life
-I want to create life and inspire it
-I want to flat out LIVE!

So for this next I'll set some goals to do and hope to complete them by next Sunday morning at 12 AM.
-Actually get caught up in my classes and stay on track
-Start diet, really!
-Learn something new everyday
-Kiss someone
-Write a blog every night
-Paint room
-Go to the beach (early in morning or late at night)
-Go get a drink with a friend
-Read a book
-Do something way out of the ordinary
-Get ready completely for work and school every day without hassle
-Start running every other day
-Get in tough with an old friend



I realize these may not be the most fun and exciting things to do but I really don't do anything as it is. So in order for me to get out of this rut, I have to begin somewhere.

Wish me luck:)

This pic is really the only thing Ive done which includes fun.
I wont more memories like this!!!

This is me! But even with this picture, I can not identify myself. I am like a lost shadow with no one to follow. I am like an empty cup, never to be filled again. I feel like life passes day by day and I am not being noticed. I don't notice myself, for no one else notices me. How sad. How very, very sad. Is that a real smile? Am I happy? I was driving today on my way home from work, listening to NPR radio and heard that if you as a person are not inapt with your self and your surroundings and are living everyday, day by day; sad and lonely; depressed and scared, that you are more likely to get sick and maybe in the long run get cancer or some other kind of disease. For you immune system gets depressed and doesn't do its job as well and allows things like high blood pressure or cancer cells to form. I don't want that. Would you want that? I just want to live, and live I will. From this day forward I will live everyday carefully but with enjoyment. I will take risks and stop being afraid. I will be adventurous and stop putting things to the side for another day for that other day my not be there for me to live. I hope with my experiences, that you can as well live and be happy. Maybe I've found the cure for cancer and disease's around the world, or at least a way to prevent them. The cure to living a healthy life without illness is to live your life in general. I will post on my up and short comings in life so that YOU may learn and live as well. Have fun!!!!

Army Man

By: Leo Silva

Battle grounds filled with blood with the men that tried,
I am wounded with my blood slivering down my chest,
I hold my riffle, aim to the West,
were West is where the meadows grow red,
with read roses dancing with the grazing winds.
Ok, Ok........
I look around, I see the enemy in numerous mounds.
All filled with detest for me,
Because I have a warm heart still beating,
I feel these frigid Artic bodies getting near,
I see the raven knight closing to the rear.
Hope is fading, light is dim
I hear my bodies drum slow in beat.
My mind is depeated, my power is gone,
I feel my warm blooding roaming to a halt.
My veins are freezing, I feel no control.
My grief stricken face, See's the victors strut.
Straunting towards my pitiful tomb.
"Here I proclaim, what is mine."
Bang!
Memories have splattered through the battle grounds,
my red tears fall off my cluttered frowns.
Now I rest, my dove is abound.
The white dove passes, guiding me through the light.
I reunite with my platoon, and rid of my freight.
My soul is free no longer commended,
the battle continues and will never END.