Memories

Do you ever just sit down and rest your head on your arms at work or school and say to yourself, "What am I doing with my life?" or "Now what?". I ask myself this question on a constant basis. What am I doing? What are you doing? How is it that people with less talent, knowledge and general want are doing better then me in life? Now don't get me wrong I love my family and the few friend I actually do speak to but I just feel like there is no real life in me. Like the light inside has dimmed dowm to a point where I need to squint my eyes in order to see enough to not fall on my ass. lol. Then in the midst of all my thoughts of past failures and uncompleted goals come, out of nowhere, senseless memories. I was going through one of these daily ruts today and in the process of asking myself these questions I thought of when I was around the age of 15 riding to Texas on the Greyhound with my brother. The reason this moment came to mind was because it was an event that showed me that inside complete strangers you dont know are kind and generous people. It starts off with the fact that me and my brother were on this bus in order to visit my grandparents(the mother and father of my mother)in Brownsville, TX. Now my mother usually would drive us over for the summer but was unable to take the necessary time off to make the trip. She raised us though as childeren to be very independent so figured it was time we went on our own on the Greyhound Bus. Now I don't know about you but going on the bus at that age with a little brother about 2yrs younger really makes you feel like an adult. Well I would hate to say, me and my brother were deffinatlly not acting like adults. We were fighting almost the whole trip. And it was during on of these fights that my memory stuck to me. We were on the route heading to Alabama through Georgia. The tempurature had dropped alot and I almost thought it was going to snow any minute. We had just finished fighting becuase we were getting aggrivated with each other being on the bus all day long. He had moved to the two-seat row in front of me and refused to let me use his jacket in order to get warmed up, and that alone brought us to fight more and end our communication for at least an hour. And then to my rescue was a kind stranger seated across the asile. I really don'r remember much about him, what I do really couldnt idnetify him: He was caucasion, wearing a military uniform, I believe blue eyes and blond short hair with a hat. He offered me his warm wool jacket in exchange for a Tylenol. I really couldn't say if he was offering me it in order to shut me up or if he really was a kind man offering a young girl a kindness she would never forget, but whatever the reason I will rememeber him. I will remember the rough yet warmth it provided me for a mere two hours. I remebr smelling that coat upon recieving it. I realize that may sound wired but I believe I may have gotten a crush on him for that act. Hahaha. I laugh now at the thought. But the thought is something I will think of in times when I need something to be happy about.:)